New BMW M5 – the plot is lost

The new 2025 BMW M5 is (arguably) another massacre from an enthusiast’s and/or purist’s point of view. But here’s the thing: Don’t blame BMW. Well, do blame BMW. But also blame these governments around the world who are making asinine decisions for the sake of “the environment”. They would rather pillage some other country for minerals so they can pretend the air is better in their city. Yeah – the EV strategy isn’t exactly working unless you are a cult member who microwaves steaks to well done. It’s part of the solution, but not the only solution… and it’s definitely part of the problem. Because…

Adding over 1,000 pounds to a vehicle… 

To gain 25 miles per charge & a bit more power is insanity. The plot is lost. I credit BMW for actually building this insane thing. Quite the technological marvel if it works right. Maybe in a X7 this makes sense to me. The X7 is already massive, so what’s another 1,000 pounds? It’s like eating 11 doughnuts… might as well finish the box.  

As an avid BMW M5 fan, we knew this was coming… 

What was once the lightest car in class is now over 5,300lbs. More than a Lexus LS 500. Yes it has more power now at 717hp. That’s 140hp more than the outgoing M5. Yet – despite the 140hp increase, it’s somehow slower 0-60 (3.4 vs 3.1). You think that extra 1,000lbs has something to do with that??

Oh the BMW M5 is a plug-in hybrid now too… 

So yay – they’ve added 25 miles per charge to an opulent performance vehicle that is everything but efficient. I’m sure the new M5 has every electronic doo-dad imaginable. Variable/electric everything. Cameras that can tell the future. It will probably text me back when my wife ignores me… & play Sade. It’ll probably even play her music video on the giant movie screen called a dash. But notice – no matter how much bigger & bulkier it gets with exterior dimensions, rear seat room barely changes, and now the trunk looks to be smaller. Again – missing the plot. And like all things – what was once a performance bargain, has lost that appeal. The new BMW M5 starts (starts) at $120,000. In a week it will be 85k. I might wait the week. But don’t wait too long, because you don’t want to be anywhere near this car when it falls out of warranty.  

At least it looks less like a Kia… 

Aside from the front grille. And it looks more like something BMW would have still hated in the 1990s lol. I would drive this in black with 5% tint. With sunglasses on. At night. All-in-all, despite my criticisms, my curiosity is high for the new M5. I want to see how all this works. Unfortunately, what saddens me is: I’m less curious about how hard I want to drive it… and more curious about how much easier my trips to Starbucks will be. In conclusion – the new BMW M5 is uglier, heavier, slower, and more expensive. And as I get older, I feel more & more like… 

On the 7th day God made the E39 M5… 

It was the sport-sedan masterpiece. The car to compare all other cars. It was the car that tons of GS 400 owners admired and emulated with modifications (like myself at the time). I think maybe with some downtime God made the F90 CS… the only sedan to win EVO car of the year. He also canned the Lexus GS F on his day off. God is complicated lol.

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