Cauliflower Wings Aren’t Wings!

My wife & I always argue when we get wings. Being a meat-eating, car-loving American… I eat my wings the proper way: Chicken fried in the yolk of its unborn fetus (stay metal!). On the other hand, my wife orders cauliflower wings. Now I don’t take issue with fried cauliflower. But when they try & call them “wings”… that’s where I draw the line. It’s just not true – they’re fried veggies dipped in sauce. Something about that just drives me nuts. And this poor woman has to hear me rant every time, about how the world keeps trying to change the meaning of words.

In a world where facts are optional & fake news is everywhere…

Some stability in shared meaning would be a fantastic place to start solving problems. We could go down the political rabbit hole about pronoun usage & how the differences in terms like “homeless” and “person experiencing homelessness” are idiotic wastes of time. But this magazine & this article ain’t about that! This is about our love of cars, & protecting them!

And that brings me to the crux of this article…

What’s in a name? Well in the car world, names mean a great deal. They resonate with us. Their impact builds fanbases over decades & generations. Car enthusiasts are very loyal to names & lineages.

For me personally, the name STI is powerful…

It was my first real proper experience with a turbocharged car, and it changed the course of my life! Late one night after work as a kid, my friend Kenny let his ’04 STI rip down the 15 freeway, and I was hooked! Enthralled! Later – I ended up starting an aftermarket manufacturing business that I ran for 12 years. And it was all sparked by that visceral experience. The moniker “STI” (stitched carefully in cherry blossom red on the blue suede seats) became king to me. The sound of the boxer engine, the feel of boost, the hood scoop… the name STI became everything I loved about cars – defined. “STI” represented passion & engineering bliss, let loose on a simple 4-door Impreza. It represented performance, thrill, and nonconformity. And it was such a wild, rule-breaking, & addicting concept.

Therefore, when I heard that Subaru trademarked the name “STe” earlier this year, I was beyond agitated. It was like being kicked in the groin by someone on your own team. Subaru ruined something special to me.

See, I’m not opposed to EVs, like some of the guys here at S3…

Hell I even like a few myself! They can be fast as hell and make their own weird whirring noises that I enjoy. The prospect for future suspension & chassis design excites me on an engineering level.

But what I don’t like…

Are gimmicks. And I don’t like taking away from what WAS… to build what IS. When Subaru made STI (Subaru Technica International for those who aren’t familiar with the in-house tuning company)… they didn’t take from something else to make it. They just created something new! STI was the name. And it was cool, absurd, and fast. It didn’t need some other legacy to ride the coattails of. STI could stand on its own symmetrical AWD!

There are other obvious examples in the industry today…

Sadly, Dodge is calling its new EV Charger a “Daytona.” And pathetically, they’re trying to coin the phrase… “E-Muscle”. There is a Corvette “E-Ray”. And don’t get me started on Ford’s slap-in-the-face bastardization of the Mustang into the “Mustang Mach E”. An instance where Ford simultaneously raped two iconic nameplates at once, and morphed the once lean & mean Mustang into a crossover for Karens. It’s bloated carcass resembling a former pro athlete who became a middle school gym teacher… but I digress.

If EVs are ever to “become cool”…

If they’re ever gonna be something that’s truly respected and enjoyed (beyond a simple appliance), manufacturers need to make a point of CREATING that legacy… not stealing it from past greatness.