Be warned that this review is extremely bipolar. That’s because I hated the Prius, right up until I had to turn it back in. Then I missed it. …58 miles per gallon is hard to lose. 

The 2017 Toyota Prius gets 58 miles per gallon. Let me repeat that… FIFTY EIGHT miles per gallon. But at the cost of your dignity. And your man card. Even your woman card. Basically – your “I exist today” card.

toyota prius review

Here’s the analogy: The Prius is like when you get stuck working on a beautiful Saturday. Everybody’s having adventures. They’re at the beach/lake. They’re hiking. They’re biking. They’re at Disney World. And all you can do is watch them post fun photos on social media. Because you don’t get to have fun. You’re at work… you’re in a Prius. You made the responsible adult choice.

Good for you – you’re making overtime money. Chipping away at that retirement. Impressing your boss. Pat yourself on the back. Who cares.

But seriously… 58 miles per gallon.

Do you know where you can go on 58 miles per gallon? Not anywhere off-road, because a Prius won’t do that. But talk about Disney World. You could drive to Disney World from anywhere in the country for $10 or less (true story). Or you could take any other car & actually remember the trip.

toyota prius review

You know what the most exciting thing about a Prius is? Checking your messages at a red light. Just kidding, it’s probably the cool center-position LCD gauges, which are stacked above the infotainment screen. No analog gauges to be found – it’s pretty future-cool. And, it’s easier to get a car seat in the back of a 2017 Prius, than any other car I’ve ever driven in my life. The Prius is set up to be effortless & helpful.

toyota prius interior

Design-wise, I’m intrigued by the new generation’s aerodynamic, ultra-efficient styling… and admittedly a little drawn to it. Run over the car with a soapy sponge, and there are a lot of futuristic lines & grooves. Yes, the 2017 Prius looks #1 dorky off the lot, with pizza-cutter eco-tires. But let’s be honest, a stock GTI (or similar) ain’t winning any cool-contests off the lot either. The point it: The Prius could really come alive with a little lowering & the right set of wheels. But the counter point is: Why tho? Why would you do that?

toyota prius review

I love trees. But not even trees love a Prius.

Think about it. Kale is good for you… but do you love it? Hell no. You love what’s bad for you. So why do you think trees are any different? They love Ford Raptors! They love Dodge Demons! They don’t want to be on the side of the road, looking at geek humans in bad outfits driving their self-righteous Prius/Priuses/Prius’sss. But they don’t even have a choice, because they can’t run away… they’re stuck in the ground. It’s sad what you’re doing to trees, and your 58 miles per gallon is selfish.

toyota prius interior

In conclusion – with all the hate & disgust I throw at this little car… it’s actually pretty great. It serves a purpose, and it does so phenomenally well. I’ll be honest, it grew on me.

Here’s the rub: If cars are solely a means of transportation for you.

…A way to get from Point A to Point B.

Why WOULDN’T you buy a Prius???? 58 miles per gallon gives you so many options to do whatever it is that you love to do. And the car had enough interior room for most people in their daily lives – no problem.

But if cars really matter to you? If you get more from driving than just ‘transportation’. Then the 58 miles per gallon (unfortunately) isn’t good enough. Just keep buying the gas, breathe it in, and keep your sanity. Because mess around, and we’re gonna end up on the wrong side of Demolition Man… with a world of ‘futuristic but soft’ vehicles & Verbal Morality Statute Monitors.


toyota prius